@gossipgriII: how do lawyers argue without crying
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@SufficientCharm: Pretty sure my dog is even ashamed of me right now, and I've seen him do some questionable shit. Don't ask.
@Vodkantots: [on first date] Him: What's your sign? Me: Vertigo Him: You mean Virgo? Me: I mean your stupid fucking questions are making me dizzy.
@BucMarvin: If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I'd be like, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!"
@AlexvanBeek: A spider so big you politely ask it to leave the premises & then sheepishly accept its refusal with all the dignity of a French surrender.