@nowme_datta: How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries.
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@ruinedpicnic: There's a marble statue of Mr. Peanut sculpted by Michaelangelo in the basement of the Sistine Chapel that only the popes know about
@bobbiejo448: Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it.
@sarcasticmommy4: My husband offered to make me a mimosa & then said, “Oh, sorry, we don’t have orange juice.” Me: “That’s fine. I don’t take orange juice in my mimosa.”
@lecalabara: "The entire sky is mine to explore!Nah, Ill just swoop dangerously through traffic instead."- Birds