@thetigersez: How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them? Like, did you ask him? Because only one of us is screaming right now.
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@dumbbeezie: I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when someone shows me an ultrasound pic
@DanMentos: "I got expelled" How? "I wrote 2+2=41 on the whiteboard" Ok that's dumb but- "So my prof told me to go back up there…" Oh no "and rub 1 out"
@thatdutchperson: "You're not pretty enough. Now pay us $3.99 so we can tell you why." - Magazines
@bridger_w: In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don't think I can keep watching movies