@thetigersez: How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them? Like, did you ask him? Because only one of us is screaming right now.
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@McSwtrvst: [True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds
@robfee: Frozen (2013) A young girl spends years in solitude & must plan her parent’s funeral alone because her sister is secretly one of the X-Men
@hilaryfairie: I saw a billboard that said, "Be her Romeo" and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare.
@northcoastkevin: [gets pulled over by the cops] Cop: sir, you need to have 2 or more people in your vehicle to drive the HOV lane. Me: check the trunk.
@thatUPSdude: Devil: I want your soul! Me: Not for sale! Devil: Name your price. Me: Fix all my typos. Devil: Too much work, keep your soul.
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