@daemonic3: You hang up "No, you hang up" You hang up first! - Bats going to bed

@jonnysun: if u watch thamksgiving backwards its about a angry family yeling at each other then the uncle says something racist and everyone calms down

@SomthinBoutSara: Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant.

@EndhooS: "What would be your main strength?" Well, I can communicate with animals... "Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses?" They can't understand me.

@hrtbps: Interviewer: So when did you decide you wanted to be a sumo wrestler? Me: When someone tried to get me onto the dancefloor at a wedding.