@ElgatoEsmio: how do you get over the heartache of an ex whose cat ur never gonna see again?
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@joss: Mean people tell me "you've got a face only a mother could love" but the joke's on them because she didn't
@DaddyJew: Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid.
@MyMomologue: Bedtime: Brush teeth Put on pjs Read Turn off light Put them back in bed Put them back in bed Threaten everything they love Put them back
@TheCiscoKidder: 5 year old: Where does wind come from, daddy? Me: It comes from people asking too many questions.