@ElgatoEsmio: how do you get over the heartache of an ex whose cat ur never gonna see again?
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@SaraESpivey: I turned my phone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
@cjwerleman: Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.
@Travon: I'm opening a restaurant called "It doesn't matter, whatever you want" since every girl alive wants guys to take them there.
@MattMcElaney: Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.