@lakeanagirl: How do you say "bra" in German? Stopsemfromfloppin
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@knot_eye: I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
@massive_images: Dad: "So what are you going to do after you graduate?" Me: "well, mom said we'll probably go out somewhere to eat"
@ItsJennaMarbles: Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'.
@msmollybee25: I hate when Netflix asks if I'm still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?