@platinum2000: How do you tell someone that they're not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
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@EndhooS: [Meeting friends baby] Me: [bouncing him on my knee] he's a big boy isn't he Friend: yeah he was 11 pounds Me: wow that's cheap
@Mothpete: I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.
@simoncholland: I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
@liv_thatsme: Me *gets interrupted mid-sentence* "Oh, hey sorry; finish your story." Me *employing my usual level of maturity*: No I don't want to now.