@JennyJohnsonHi5: How do you tell your spouse you were fired from SpaghettiOs for honoring Pearl Harbor Day with a smiling cartoon noodle holding a flag?
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@PaperWash: Noah build an ark "what? why" I'm gunna flood the earth "just give me fish powers" [jealous he didn't think of that] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!
@leshnevsky: Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.
@FKACornshucks: Me: I want to do unspeakable things to you. Her: Tell me... Me: Do you know what unspeakable means Lydia?