@OutOnTheMoors: How does an eyelash, so soft and fine, turn into a cheese-grater when it gets under your eyelid?
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@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you.
@GibJimson: If you ever see me cleaning out my car in the middle of winter, it's because I have drugs missing.
@mrjohndarby: *releases swarm of killer wasps* - ATTACK! *wasps fly off harmlessly in all directions* - Hmm... time for plan bee
@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."