@HatfieldAnne: How far did I walk away from the sink when I was brushing my teeth? As always, too far.
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@GrantTanaka: [sees date shivering] me: here, take my jacket her: aw thanks me: also, take my shirt her: oh, u don’t have to- me: [unbuttons pants]
@raniao2011: For all those men who say"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I say: why buy an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
@Thedudish: It's been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a c**kroach move out. "Good luck," he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.