@CrazyUncIeJoe: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
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@bornmiserable: ME: [on my deathbed] this is pretty nice MATTRESS STORE SALESMAN: sir, you can't die here
@Brampersandon_: I have a very particular set of skills *puts down phone* *sounds of a struggle* *yells* Ok you can't see this but I'm totally doing the worm
@itsa_talia: my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him.