@brennadine: "How hard up for cash do you have to be to wear a chicken suit & wave at cars," I think, adjusting the beak protruding from my forehead
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Darlainky: You have 6 marijuana plants under a heat lamp in your basement. Please stop calling yourself a farmer.
@PhilJamesson: WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another.
@shutupmikeginn: Gonna need you to finish your story real quick so i can tell you how the same thing happened to me, but its more interesting cause i’m in it
@seamussaid: my daughter hones her survival instincts by forgoing the provided bowl and spreading goldfish crackers all over the house to forage & store