@SchooIAnswer: "how is school going?"
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@seriouslyemily: Dipping your cats in blue paint and watching them chase each other is 1000x more entertaining than Avatar.
@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out." Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
@ItsAndyRyan: DRIVING ON HIGHWAY Wife: You just missed a right. Me: Thanks babe – you just MRS right.
@BarebakAssassin: In my 32 years this is what I've learned about women: 1.) "No" means no 2.) "Maybe" means no 3.) "Yes" means maybe