@IdiotOlympics: How is twitter still free 😂😂
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@AndyAsAdjective: Tried to spoon my wife & she throat punched me She said "Sorry I was dreaming of my judo class" But she doesn't take judo Plus she was awake
@Shock_Monster: Him: Boo! Me: Did you just call me your Boo? Him: I was scaring you! Me: Mission accomplished. *backs away*
@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!" "But I can't-" "Now!" *t-rex panics*
@Troman88: I hope that when the zombies finally do come, they're all dyslexic and they only go after Brians.