@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?
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@jake_likes_naps: Karen: Are we ok? Me: [removes earbud] Yes. Karen: It's just that you named a Spotify playlist "LET'S GET DIVORCED"
@aka_fatman: *Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera* "My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?"