@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
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@daemonic3: Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming "But dad we're goldfish" Oh yeah, I forgot "Forgot what?"
@handokotjung: How to be happier: 1. Exercise 2. Lift weight 3. When you've become stronger due to those exercises, smack the person who made you unhappy.
@HepatitisAtoZ: cashier: "would you like to donate to fight hunger?" me: "oh, hunger wants to rumble?" *dip knuckles in syrup & then in Cheerios "im ready"