@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
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@AbrasiveGhost: ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun
@amishschool: My wife asked what I thought of her new blouse and I used the word "slimming", I explain to the other homeless people.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Parenthood is where you spend 18 years saying no all because of that one critical time you said yes.