@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
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@hippieswordfish: '911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal
@Dani_Feld: I walked into a room full of men and they couldn't stop staring at me. Oh...wrong toilets.
@pixelatedboat: "I'm the world champion of hearing," I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw