@TheDeducers: How many apples a day does it take to keep everybody else away
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@daemonic3: In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds.
@KentWGraham: My wife says I’ve left the toilet seat up “like a bajillion times” but I’m contacting Jill Stein to demand a recount.
@ibid78: -Joe's coming over. "Joe from work or Joe who thinks he's the Norse god, Thor?" [the distant sound of thunder makes the guacamole quiver]