@TheDeducers: How many apples a day does it take to keep everybody else away
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@TheToxicWaster: I walked a girl down into the dark woods. She said it's very scary. I said how do you think i feel i have to walk back alone..
@ericsshadow: [on a date] HER: any accomplishments? ME: yeah, i'm an award winning [eyes darting around] award winning [sees a dog] dog... liker HER: awww
@just1fool: I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled.
@mattZillaaaa: Today is a new day. Be thankful. Do something nice for yourself. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Run with a pair of scissors