@TheDeducers: How many apples a day does it take to keep everybody else away
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@KeetPotato: [airport] "you should have used a tag" [a horse emerges on luggage belt] noone else has brought a horse linda [another horse appears] oh FFS
@seandunn76: This total stranger wanted to have a spontaneous tickle fight on the street and...oh...nope, never mind I'm being robbed. Guys I'm being rob
@2tickytacky: I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
@OkieGirl405: This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts