@texasstalkermom: How many beer trucks can you "accidentally" run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?
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@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
@Sirrruh: Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo.
@bridger_w: If you're behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
@Carter_TCB: I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would've been a lot more interesting.