@Fred_Delicious: How many court cases have been thrown out because the judge needs a unanimous decision & the jury is made up entirely of dentists
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@maurex23: WINDEX CEO: listen, I can't have you making puns anymore. EMPLOYEE: okay, I just want to make things clear-- CEO: you're fired.
@ObscureGent: If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber.
@KevinHart4real: Good morning people.....I woke up feeling myself this morning....wait that doesn't sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? You didn't, the brakes did. Cop: But do you know why? Cuz I pressed the pedal with my foot? Cop: Get out.