@Fred_Delicious: How many court cases have been thrown out because the judge needs a unanimous decision & the jury is made up entirely of dentists
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@hythemafia: *Food hits floor* Little Germs: "Let's get it!" King Germ: "No!!! We must wait 5 seconds......"
@fart: btw, my linkedin endorsements for "Dreamweaver" are for me singing the song Dreamweaver and not for using that software
@NYC_Blonde: Watching the Olympics. Me: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING! GOLD MEDAL! Announcer: Ohhh! Not a good performance, those scores will not be pretty.
@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.