@meganamram: How many days should i wait before i call my senator, i don't want to seem desperate
@bridger_w: To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
@notacroc: GROCER: slide your card
ME: it didn't work
GROCER: does it have a chip?
ME: *puts hand over pringle in my pocket I was saving for later* no
@KimmyMonte: Mice were invented in 1867 to help control the cheese population.
@shutupmikeginn: barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was invented