@SocialExtortion: How many drinks do I buy a girl if I want her to come home with me and clean up my room?
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@LostCatDog: This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread
@onion_an: [at restaurant] Me: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Wife: "I'm the same" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*
@Alex_N_Chains: Today on "Dora the Explorer", Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can't explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.
@iGreenMonk: I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators... All I wanted was to complete the circle of life.