@ericsshadow: How many feet away from a tragedy do you need to be before its ok to snack?
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@Ideal_Victoria: Note to self: Next time your migraine specialist asks "How's your head?" Don't reply with "No man has ever complained."
@ChipKellysBalls: Would bet there's a math equation that can tell how many kids a person has by measuring the amount of Cheerios on the floor of their car ...
@ANastyGorilla: I'm thankful my wife harvested over $100,000 in potatoes on Farmville while I ate a grilled cheese for dinner & am sleeping on dirty laundry
@idigcrazychics: You can't boss me around until you're older than the whiskey I drink. -subtweet to my GF