@ericsshadow: How many feet away from a tragedy do you need to be before its ok to snack?
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@envydatropic: My family was totally confused tonight because there's a candle lit that smells like a cake is baking without burning I don't do that
@GypsyWingss: Mom: a little birdie told me you got drunk last night Me: you're the one friggen talking to birds
@GigglesAndKush: I bought a pair of underwear today. In the front it says ‘I would do anything for love’. In the back, ‘But I won’t do that’.