@sixthformpoet: How many Happy Meals do you need to eat before they start to work? I've just had six and I feel terrible.
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@BlindChow: "You're attachment is too large," my computer tells me. I blush. "My eyes are up here," I respond coyly.
@trevso_electric: When two girls hate each other, they say "we should DEFINITELY hang out" and then take turns shouting "definitely!" until one of them dies.
@thedailymarker: My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn't like so we don't have to share.
@itsmehgd: 2nd grade girl sleepover: "shhh okay let's actually go to sleep" *quiet for a minute* the annoying friend: *starts laughin for no reason* *entire group starts laughin except for one girl* that one girl: "guys seriously i have a softball game tomorrow"