@sixthformpoet: How many Happy Meals do you need to eat before they start to work? I've just had six and I feel terrible.
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@caliluvgirl77: [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
@gmossii: My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.
@tastefactory: Hey Law & Order, please stop throwing around the word semen all willy-nilly, I'm trying to watch this with my mom
@walkerwalt: Before encouraging everyone to "do whatever makes you happy," ask if anyone is a sadist. Don't encourage the sadists.