@markleggett: How many kids do you think Wolverine has? Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.
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@juliussharpe: Fun tip - instead of going on vacation with a baby, stand outside until you're sunburned, then light $1,000 on fire.
@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"
@chopper4jk: My son wants to change his given Indian name, so I told Broken Condom he could change it if he really wants to. Kid's these days...