@kendragaylord: How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
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@joeljeffrey: If I was a sniper, I'd probably spend most of my time looking for cats and making them chase my rifle laser pointer from 2 miles away.
@huntigula: confuse your coworkers today by telling them you're going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
@TheToddWilliams: [creation] GOD: You all have a divine purpose HORSE: I will plow man's field COW: I will give man milk GUINEA PIG: I will test man's shampoo
@LizHackett: Every earthquake is a reminder that you drunk-ate the good granola bars out of the earthquake kit eight years ago and never restocked them.