@WolfpackAlan: How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.
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@InternetHippo: doctor: your wife has gone into labour me: oh no wife (yelling from a distance): RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE
@KKAlThani: I make the stupidest excuses just to skip the gym. *burns tongue while drinking coffee* "Oh no! I really wanted to go to the gym today!"
@NurseSeymour: Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
@KevinFarzad: Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.