@mrtruthandsoul: How many minutes after someone's fired is it cool to take their stapler?
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@kirbys4losers: I'd rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us.
@rolldiggity: "What should we name this fruit?" "Passion!" "..." "..." "Let's not let Todd name any more fruits."
@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.