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@AristotlesNZ: "How many people work at your company?"
About half of them.
@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.
@_davidlucas_: *Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter*
Her: Did you want to buy that?
Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while.
@Juan_Incognito: I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was.
they start off corded but convert to wireless easily
@BuckyIsotope: All the toys under the tree
Have now gone
You’ve been hit by
You’ve been struck by
Reverse Santa Claus