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@BoogTweets: How many priest do you have to fight to get to the pope
@jazmasta: Biology: The science of writing awesome bios.
@iGreenMonk: I hate Walmart.
The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
@beefman138: I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver.
@Sickayduh: Hey, are you a broadleaved deciduous hardwood tree?
BIRCH I MIGHT BE
@robfee: The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls