@JasonLastname: How many push-ups is too many when meeting your girlfriend's dad for the first time?
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@AndrewNadeau0: ME: Not all heroes eat crepes. HIM: It's "Not all heroes wear capes." ME: Oh, so do all heroes eat crepes? HIM: ME: Then shut up.
@causticbob: What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
@DeepDarkFear: "Hate it when I think of her and suddenly we're teleported to a picturesque location, and have to dance to a random love song." - Indians