@TheTweetOfGod: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a cab?
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@thenoahkinsey: If you didn't wanna hear "Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it," you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Look, even if you could breathe underwater, no one wants to be Aquaman. 4yo: Who's Aquaman? Me: EXACTLY!
@mugkip: i've always struggled spelling out "blood" with my fingers because it always comes out looking like "bbool"