@TheTweetOfGod: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a cab?
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@KentWGraham: Guy science: The proper amount of time for a pan to soak before cleaning it is until you need to use it again.
@tehaveragejoel: "every family has that one huge weirdo" "NOT MY FAMILY!" I shout as I quickly exit the room, my six ducks on leashes in hot pursuit.
@bourgeoisalien: Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.