@thelaurenobrien: How many times did people question the honesty of Shakira's hips before she finally decided to defend them in a song?
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@moxieblogger: If you ever feel dumb, remember sometimes sloths grab their own arms thinking they are tree branches and fall to the ground.
@dafloydsta: [on a first date] Me: So do you like puppies? Her: Oh I love them Me: Ok, so we'll both have the puppies Waiter: Excellent choice, sir
@PaperWash: Just saw one of those giant centipedes run though my living room so now I'm gunna sleep with a flamethrower and a full metal jacket.
@Crunch11b: About delete my Facebook account, I hope Stacey and Heather from the 3rd grade can handle the rejection.