@TheRolo: How many virgins do I get from dying of embarrassment? Does anyone know?
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@david8hughes: My dog: wasn't me Me: I know My dog: honest It wasn't me Me: it's ok really My dog: [chip packet still on her head] I think the kid ate them
@OhMyBlondie: If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here.
@butterwolf: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Marry your enemy. Grow old together. Watch your enemy die.
@yoopnative: Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later