@omgthatspunny: How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram!
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@RegularFred: Woman: [blushing] I was told there wasn't a single werewolf left in the world. Werewolf: there isn't. I'm married.
@WheelTod: I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal