@Tmoney68: How much for the giant, walk-in medicine cabinet?
"Sir, this is a liquor store."
@ElgatoEsmio: At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter
@thejessbess: Quit college. Become an oven. Get up to like 500 degrees.
@DaHess1: "Cellphones only work when you talk into them like you're trying to be heard over a buzzsaw screwing a freight train."
- My Dad
@seandunn76: Me: Kensington, fetch me my robe.
K: You sold your robe and everything else you own so you could afford a butler.
Me: Hold me, Kensington.
@River_Niles: We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn't a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow