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@BoobzAndBrainz: How much for the Ice Cream Scoop?
Ma'am, that's a Shovel.
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'.
@chuuew: Dorothy: We have to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz
Toto: OK but I wouldn't make a song and dance about it
@bottlerocket: Twitter keeps throwing in "in case you missed it" on my timeline.... I've been on twitter for the last 16 hours, I didnt miss it.
@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
@djdarrellripley: Me: What happened to all the bourbon?
Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken.
Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken.