@TequilaTears: How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
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@ReticentTurnip: Are you questioning my vocabulary skills, pal? Cause you are gonna get punched right in the plethora
@thatUPSdude: Her: We have rats! Me: We do? Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies! Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps.
@stacywawa1: The ex just asked me how can one have a soulmate if one has no soul? Wonder which of us he was referring to?
@WordsOfaHooker: Can't believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn't using the slogan "Once you go black, you don't go back."