@LackOfShame: How much longer until we can get pets that are also wifi hotspots?
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@squirrel74wkgn: I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
@Sleinso: *Goes to local train station* *Runs into platform 9¾* *Head bangs against wall* Family: What were you doing? Me: *whispers* Pfft! Muggles.
@TheCatWhisprer: [texting] WIFE: need to talk when u get home ME: about what WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home ME: *never goes home*
@kelkulus: Rather than buy a gun, I've been studying "Home Alone" and now defend my home with marbles and old gangster movies.