@RealJinjaNinja: Three steps to start a relationship.
1- buy a sheep
2- name it "relation"
3- now you have a relationsheep.
@o__0Dev: Women seem to want security. At least that's what they yell whenever I approach them.
@murrman5: [tv interview]
did you get upset?
"that *beep* lied to me, she can go *beep* herself"
don't do that. just curse and we will add the beeps
@CoolCamel69: [picking out a washing machine]
how many watermelons can this hold?
"uhh I dunno, 11?"
only 11?
*keeps walking to next one*
how many waterme
@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.
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