Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@DanMentos: "How often do you floss?"
Every day
"How often do you lie?"
Every six months

“How often do you floss?” Every day “How often do you lie?” Every six months
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COMMENTS

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@LoriLuvsShoes: Who me? Oh I'm just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun

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@NotBachibawlz: Carried 9 oranges up to the cashier and she says "Ya want a box for them?" "I was willing to pay" I said "but I guess we can fight for em"

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@Donnie_Fairburn: [Pharrell eating at Arby's] "I want a new look" Like a new hair cut? "Something crazier" *notices the hat in the Arby's logo* "I've got it!"

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@Parkerlawyer: My husband calls me Sugar and my dog's name is Sugar so when he says, "C'mere Sugar" there's an awkward stare down between me and the dog.

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