@panmidwest: How selfish am I? Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share.
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@PinkCamoTO: CW: You're not wearing a costume. M: Yes I am. CW: You're dressed as yourself? M: No. I'm a serial killer. We look just like everyone else.
@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.
@GrowlyGrego: My dad taught me the importance of having convictions in life. Ten felonies later, I now know that some words have more than one meaning.
@brunopieroni: I left my Kindle on the train. This would have never happened if I was carrying 8 bookshelves full of books with me like in the old days.