@panmidwest: How selfish am I? Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share.
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@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
@kelkulus: Girl asked me if I wanted to watch a "romcom" so I'm going to assume she means "Roman Combat" and put on Gladiator.
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] BOSS: Do you like my fire place? ME: Actually, it's one word: "fireplace" BOSS: You're fired ME: Oh, I get it now