@Kim_pulsive: How Stella Got Her Goat Back #ReplaceAMovieTitleWithGoat
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@Jenn_H_Scott: 7yo: Why can't I have coffee? Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap
@Darylch: Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning.
@_shellzbellzzz_: Ever look at your frequently used emojis and realize that your two moods are drunk and circus tents?