@conanobrienswyf: How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.
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@SteveSuckington: "What should we put in the middle of this mall?" How bout some chairs? "That idea sucks" A little pond to throw money in? "Oh hell yeah"
@drhappyknuckles: I'm writing a screenplay where a shark attacks people at the beach but, like, emotionally.
@LuckoftheDraw86: Vodka giveth and vodka taketh away... It giveth me a hangover and taketh away my underpants. Amen.
@erica_rosie: One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.