@GrrrRach: How the hell wizards don't set fire to themselves, I'll never understand; attempting to make potions and stuff, with those dangly sleeves.
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@AmishPornStar1: "I'm here for the hookers and the booze!!!" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers... "I'm here for the hookers and the booze."
@RexHuppke: My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: "That's mathematically impossible." Anyhoo, we're divorced now.
@GrantTanaka: Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]
@robyn_vo: According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated from an "Institute of Fine Farts" because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.