@TommyKarate: How thin do you have to be to go skinny dipping?
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@Ideal_Victoria: Watching my coworkers split a cupcake three ways was more upsetting than the first time I missed my period.
@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,
@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.
@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.