@KentWGraham: I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.

@Schmoodles: I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat.

@gingerfaced: No, you hang up first. Me to Pizza Hut

@huntigula: Winnie the Pooh: will u marry me? Piglet: for the last time, u don't get a literal "honey" moon Pooh: pls say yes I need to see for myself

@Tmoney68: Ladies, if he tells you he's 6 feet & 4 inches, be sure those aren't two separate measurements.