@metafroth: How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
@CynicalLongkat: Dinner with Mom: Are these real people you're talking about or are they from the internet?
@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
@frankzulla: "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - Twitter IT engineer that pressed the button for the 280 character limit update