@metafroth: How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
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@desijourno: When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Friend: Can you give me a ride? Me: I'll give your MOM a ride! [Later] Me: So Mrs. Tromlhorn, anywhere else besides the dentist?
@Sophie2078: Christmas is great! You can sit on the lap of a total stranger and no one is offended.