@metafroth: How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
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@KrunkedRobot: Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
@JermHimselfish: I don't understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
@joe_binkley: "Opening a llama acting school called 'Save the Drama for your Llama." "No, I mean where do you see yourself in 5 years with this job?"
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Her: What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom? Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.