@SimplyNamedTron: How to dress like Lady Gaga: 1. Go to ikea. 2. Pick a object that doesn't belong on your head. 3. Put it on your head.
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@3sunzzz: No thank you free mattress on the side of the road, I prefer to get my crabs the old fashioned way, by sleeping with complete strangers.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at condiment counter] *does shot of ketchup* Me (gets in kid's face): Wait your turn, punk Wife: Oh no...he's getting sauced up again