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@hythemafia: How to fall downstairs......
@topaz_kell: I'm at my most "floor manager" when I'm falling down drunk.
@Playing4Second: CW: Have you had 5 guys?
Me: *blank stare* That's kinda personal don't ya think?
And that's when I found out it's the name of a burger joint
@StellaRtwot: Sometimes the last thing people hear before they're murdered is the sound of their pen that they won't stop clicking.
@cramoska: Make people question sincerity by adding quotations to your cards:
Get well "soon"
"Congratulations" on the "baby"
@LikeABaus91: Red bull gives you crippling heart palpitations just doesn't have the same ring to it.