@RobDenBleyker: In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am.

@themiltron: scientist 1: how did you discover that dolphins have sex for pleasure? scientist 2: [flashback to the craziest night of their life] math

@deegeemindi: Apparently coming to the Easter egg hunt dressed like the playboy bunny was not appropriate.

@_Water_Baby: I would rather see my husband with another woman in his arms than a hammer in his hand.

@DirtMcTurd: Life advice: 1.Never be afraid to say what's on your mind 2.Never be afraid to do what's on your mind 3.Don't take life advice on Twitter