@MariyaAlexander: Idea: Breathalyzer tests at the airport, to make sure you're drunk enough

@Smurfettude: Remember: It's not stalking if you don't see me.

@Jaywoo74: Cop: You know why I pulled you over? M: Speeding? C: No! M: Not using my blinker? C: No! M: Because I'm drunk? Cop: Sir get off the mower!

@Underchilde: Sometimes I put a “for sale” sign in my neighbor’s yard and pray the power of suggestion works.

@kevinrowe1: This kitten is just what my house needed. Another female that doesn't listen to me.