@TheGoogleFactz: How to keep calm in traffic jams
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@superdadatron: Hope you don't mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
@Rollinintheseat: *Comments on Facebook picture* "That headband your baby is wearing really accentuates her baldness."
@Dawn_M_: I never eat coins in front of vending machines because I don't want them to fall in love with me.
@david8hughes: "Have u seen my cat?" "I saw a cat down the road?" "Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?" "No, the one I saw was dead."